LOVE IN ITS MANY FORMS...

I need to be loved here and now, 

Don’t save it for later when the friends have gone,

Or when the kids are off to bed.

Don’t save it for night time when everywhere is quiet.

Do not save it for that day and time when you are bored and lonely

Or grey and old 

Love me right now,

when you can prove to me that indeed I am a priority in your life. 

Love me like your lungs love oxygen, 

like the earth loves the rain, like the moon loves the night.

Love me in that windblown, insatiable way. 

Love me like you can never get enough of me. 

Love me like today will be the last

then and only then will I feel like I have truly been blessed with love.

Is this really possible right now and at this phase of my life? The answer is NO. It is a painful and resounding no, nonetheless this is the reality that confronts me. You see, I like to think that I have matured and I have come to terms with the realisation that love, like life comes in different phases. It grows, it falters, it slows down and it gets distracted.

For me, the love described in the poem is young love, the unending phone calls, very many poems and can’t wait to see you again kind of love. You know that type? The type when moments apart seemed like eternity. I imagine many people went through this phase of love. I did and I absolutely loved it. 

Then marriage happens and you settle into this rhythm, this new love that you have to begin to understand. This new language that you must learn. The love that is not demanding, the patient kind of love. the one that tells you to wait till its your turn, or till the bills are paid, career sorted, promotions earned, business concerns underway and kids in the university. Do not get me wrong, that love is supportive love. Now this patient kind of love is also great but therein lies the dilemma.

This is the old lady kinda love! And I am everything but old. In my head I am still a spring chicken, last time I checked, I was nineteen in my head.  I have not been prepped for this. What then do I do? Do I demand my due? Do I talk about it till I become a nag? Are my expectations even fair at all?

Here is my current resolution. Find new little ways to make each day count, be the person that you would love your partner to be. After all, love should be devoid of pride. Ask for the things you would like instead of expecting them to know these things. Give gifts, definitely give your partner a reason to see that you are different from the rest, a reason to look forward to you, a reason to seek you out. These could make it easier for that love to be expressed to you.

And if in spite of all these, you still feel that irritating distance or  that intuitive voice tells you there is a disconnect, do a deep self analysis to determine if you are being fair to the other person. Are you being demanding, suspicious or angry all the time? Work on your findings.

Finally, remember that love is all about acceptance. Accept your partner and remember that sometimes, its our fantasy of how things should be that mess us up the most.

I am definitely trying to work on my resolutions, I’m not there yet. Kindly suggest any new tricks y’all have.

Laters

Jay