I.T.K


During a visit to an asylum a visitor asks the Director
"What is the criteria which defines a patient to be institutionalised?"
"Well" said the Director in his gruff voice, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him/her to empty the bathtub"

O.k here is your test

1. Would you use the teaspoon?
2. Would you use the teacup?
3. Would you use the bucket?

"Oh, I understand" said the visitor, smiling. "A normal person would use the bucket because its bigger than the spoon and the teacup."
"No" said the Director, " a normal person would pull the plug at the bottom of the bathtub" Then with a smirk, he asks the visitor "Do you want a room with or without a view?"

When i read this joke, i laughed till i almost dropped. Yup, I did. And for those of you who didn't laugh, don't worry u'd understand by next Monday! Hehehe!

However, the whole thing drove a point home to me:
We are always sure of things we don't have the faintest ideas of. And i wonder why? Could it be because we live in a world that make us feel like under-achievers if we cannot give an answer to every question or a witty comment to every remark? Is that why we sometimes go out of our way to seem 300 percent knowledgeable about things we do not know?

LOOKING GOOD


Sometimes, it really amazes me when i realise that the biggest problem on my mind is what attire to don for an accassion. And believe me when i say you don't want to be anywhere near me when that problem arises. Did i hear you say fashion freak? Nah! I'm far from that i only love to look good... And believe me when i say that for me,it is serious business. Some people regard this as the height of shallow mindedness. Well, i think not. We all deserve the right to look and feel good about ourselves. This encompasses both the external and internal factor.
However, the real questions is that how do we know that truly, what we feel about ourselves really stems from within us? There are many external factors that could get us to feel unhappy about the way we look. For instance, i am a slim person. The use of the word slim is quite debatable because some individuals would describe me as 'thin'. the truth is that i really do not worry because i like myself the way i am... well, almost. What would i like to change? My bust size. I would like a bigger pair. Why? I honestly think they make clothes hang better. Plus, African males tend to like a handful.
I have however questioned myself if my need for a bigger pair stems from within or from the fact that i have come across a couple of guys who have told me this? There is no way to answer the question truthfully because i do not know. It is this effect that words and suggestions have on our subconscious mind. We tend to play such conversations over and over till they become our opinion and focal point. It is after this that we find out that we live our lives based on other people's standards.
Does this mean that i'm against any form of enhancement? Nope. I'm in full support once it is carried out for the right reasons.For instance, i'm an unmarried female (Everyone should know that by now!) who would probably still go through more than my fair share of guys. So, if i come across Peter, who loves big breasts, i think to myself, lets undergo a surgical procedure to make him happy and the relationship ends. Would i, when i meet Paul, who by the way prefers a smaller pair, undergo another procedure? Can i truly go back and forth like a yoyo to suit certain tastes and opinions?
Does this imply that i am against body enhancements? Nope. I'm in full suppport of it when it is undertaken with the right motif. Is it because you have alway hated that mole, cleft in your chin, flat chest? Or is it because your latest beau has implied that he loves a tight, flat stomach, slim thighs and a firm chin? For whatever reason, it is most important to be true to yourself. if you want to dress up, do it because you would not want to be caught any other way and if you want to dress down, enjoy it and live for the moment. Truth be told, we cant always look like we stepped out of a fashion magazine 24/7. (Even though i try!)
We cannot always be what others want us to be. Most men want women who are great chefs in the kitchen, excellent hostesses at parties, tigresses in bed, nurses when they are ill and a kind, loving and considerate wife and mother to their kids. The switch from role to role would kill any average human being. However, few survive. At what expense? Not much. Its just that sometimes, they lose the essence of who they truly are within all the role play.
Live for the moment, enjoy the laughter and the happiness you alone can create within. Live for you. Be eveything you want to be - and enjoy it!


Later
Jay

P.S. Hope this one made sense!

Its a public holiday and I've been home all day. I can proudly say that i have spent the whole day in front of the television, watching films and drifting in and out of sleep. The amazing thing crossed my mind today though. I thought to myself that i've actually matured. What i mean is that if this was some three or four years back, i would feel that i have wasted the whole day doing nothing. Amazingly though, i feel very fulfilled and relaxed.
What this brought to mind was how much we actually change over time and with certain experiences. I began to think about the many laws and rules that i used to live my life by and how gradually, they have become things that i would do without batting an eyelash. A ready example is all the guiding laws and priciples regarding my relationship with the opposite sex. I can attribute some of my very wierd decisions to the 'sex' talk with my mother. She practically made me believ that if you have one of the male species (apart from my brothers) as a friend, you automatically get preggers! Talk less of holding hands or sharing kisses! I wonder hwy they found it so difficult to elaborate these issues and put it in proper perspective. What this did to me however was that i swore off the opposite sex for such an eternity. I did not want to be the one who gets pregnant and pitied...whatever that means
We actually make certain laws about ourselves that do not always stem from us but from some half baked truths and misguided opinons of others. I think we should revel in life - we would actually live only once.
The amazing truth is that sometimes, these self placed restritions could hamper with our decision making processes. You begin to wonder if its actually your bias getting to you or if you are making a purely objective decision. For instance, i have always sworn off guys who had anything to do with any friend of mine. This decision was made for a couple of reasons: firstly, i could spoil the relationship between you and your friend, and secondly, why did he like her first and not me? Yup, you guessed right - a bruised ego and personality. The truth is that i feel like a beauty queen most times and i really cannot understand why some guy would pass over my charming personality, beauty, allure and 200% sex appeal for any other person! ( i have learnt to be my own cheerleader! try it too - it feels wonderful)
Truth be told, i realise that when issues like this crop up, a lady needs to be very rational. Be very sure that the sister/friend involve is totally over the guy involved - Make sure she's not faking that its alright. She should truly mean it. Also, make sure that no hanky pankies are involved. Let her know the true picture of you feelings for the guy and his feelings for you. Be sure not to discuss comparisms he made about the both of you - try to be as diplomatic as possible too - diplomacy has always won the day.With this, you must ensure that within yourself, this is not some sort of competition. Its not worth it swaying the boat of your friendship if you are not sure of the man involved. Re-evaluate your feeling for the guy and be sure that they are true. With this, you might be able to make a perfectly rational, unbiased and objective decision.
So, whatever reasons for our laws and guiding principles, we must be sure that they are ubiased and we are better, happier and ultimately satisfied people for it!



Live your lives in a way that would free your souls.

Later
Jay

THE MARRIAGE THINGY (2)


Now that i started on this topic, i find it absolutely difficult to stop. Hope you can stick with me for as long as my solo tirade against societal expectations wear thin. Oh, by the way, I'm absolutely sorry for the abrupt end to my last post. My boss was basically jumping down my back and when he says 'jump', i can only ask 'how high' so i had to publish the post like that. Well, like my people say, half bread is better than none. I promise this would be a better post...hopefully.
Well, it crossed my mind that for some reason or the other, what happens when we get pressures or expectations from others to do certain things, it remains in our subconscious longer than we know. And then, wham... the right time comes for you to do those things. I'd like to believe that my theory also applies to things that we'd like to think we brushed off our shoulders and ideas that we actually react to. This can be seen as the power of suggestion.
For instance, what all my nosey aunts and cousins who want me to get married have succeeded in doing to me is destroying the beauty of the chase. What do i mean by this? When a boy meets girl, she is expected to dream and imagine that he is her knight in shining armour, the one who can save her soul from peril bla bla bla. I guess you know what i mean. Unfortunately when a boy meets this girl, only certain questions cross my mind. Is he tall enough? Is he good looking enough? Do we share the same religious and political lineages? and the most important of all- is he rich enough? What this does on the long run is that all the mystery is gone.
Another reaction you get from the 'marriage craze' is this - every guy who talks to you is the potential groom. Each time you meet a guy who erroneously smiles at you or eyeballs you, you envision the both of you at the altar! The problem with this kind of thinking is that not every man and woman relationship is altar bound. Most aren't! It is for this reason that most ladies are percieved to be extremely clingy. They have found the relationship and it must work! Thats not so bad or is it?
Finally, it makes you break all your laid down rules. I will not date my best friend's ex or my boyfriend's friend or my brother's friend or a non-christian. You find out that at some point, you lose all rationale and date one or all four men at the same time. Afterall, you have to live life on the edge and have a taste of every pudding. You live life only once ain't it? This brings a question to my mind. When is it alright to date a friend's ex or somebody your friend found attractive at one point or the other. Is it ever safe? This would certainly make a very good topic for discussion. I would do this and get back to you.
Now that i have successfully railed at marriage or the lack of it, i can breathe easier and rest easy. There is a perfect time and place for every human being. The best thing is to wait till that time comes. Remember that His will is most important.

In His will is our peace - Dante

Later
Jay

Why is it that in every society, there are stereotypes that exist for every age bracket that an individual grows into. For instance, in my case, everyone thinks the next best thing for me to do with my life is get married. For this reason i have avoided extended family gatherings like the plague - most especially gatherings that involve my mother's family and female cousins. There are just too many women in that group for anyone to survive their assault. Oh.. i avoid their calls too. All you get are questions. 'when will you give us date and asoebi to pick from?'. Phew! What planet are they from?
Dont get me wrong, i want to get married and have the expected 2.5 kids but i do not want to get married simply because everyone is urging me to tie the knot. What laws say i must live my life based on somebody's expectation?Alright, i must make sure my parents do not read this post otherwise, they might just flip.Some readers might not understand me fully. I'd explain.
I'm the only female child in my family.. the youngest too, I'm African and proud about it! Who does not know of the proverbial African love for family and many children?. But in my society, once you are a girl child, it is assumed that you will get married before the males...even when they aeons older than you. Hence, the endless prayers at wedding ceremonies. 'Ti e naa o ni pe de o' May your own wedding come soon. If all their prayers were to be answered, i would have been married two zillion times over. Na wa.
I was at a colleague's wedding on Saturday and it is absolutely unbelievable the number of goodluck and goodwill prayers that i have recieved since then. My older and veree married colleagues have been making eyes at me... whateva next!
Anyway, i'm here and standing strong. Like i always say, que sera sera.

LIVE EVERY MOMENT

For a really long time it was my motto to live each day like it was my last. I always planned to enjoy each expereince, savour every feeling. Imagine my dismay when i actually realised that its not essentially true that i do this. Somehow, i like to control every situation and everything that happens to me in my day-to-day life and if i dont gain control, you better get out of my way. A friend of mine was talking about how good it is when someone totally adores you and of course I agreed with her but i realised that we ought to have been talking about the other scenario - How good it would be to totally adore somebody. Truth be told, many people find it difficult to actually let go and love for the simple reason of loving. You know why? Yup, you guessed right. We must control everything.
What comes to my mind is that we have internalised