LOVE IN ITS MANY FORMS...

I need to be loved here and now, 

Don’t save it for later when the friends have gone,

Or when the kids are off to bed.

Don’t save it for night time when everywhere is quiet.

Do not save it for that day and time when you are bored and lonely

Or grey and old 

Love me right now,

when you can prove to me that indeed I am a priority in your life. 

Love me like your lungs love oxygen, 

like the earth loves the rain, like the moon loves the night.

Love me in that windblown, insatiable way. 

Love me like you can never get enough of me. 

Love me like today will be the last

then and only then will I feel like I have truly been blessed with love.

Is this really possible right now and at this phase of my life? The answer is NO. It is a painful and resounding no, nonetheless this is the reality that confronts me. You see, I like to think that I have matured and I have come to terms with the realisation that love, like life comes in different phases. It grows, it falters, it slows down and it gets distracted.

For me, the love described in the poem is young love, the unending phone calls, very many poems and can’t wait to see you again kind of love. You know that type? The type when moments apart seemed like eternity. I imagine many people went through this phase of love. I did and I absolutely loved it. 

Then marriage happens and you settle into this rhythm, this new love that you have to begin to understand. This new language that you must learn. The love that is not demanding, the patient kind of love. the one that tells you to wait till its your turn, or till the bills are paid, career sorted, promotions earned, business concerns underway and kids in the university. Do not get me wrong, that love is supportive love. Now this patient kind of love is also great but therein lies the dilemma.

This is the old lady kinda love! And I am everything but old. In my head I am still a spring chicken, last time I checked, I was nineteen in my head.  I have not been prepped for this. What then do I do? Do I demand my due? Do I talk about it till I become a nag? Are my expectations even fair at all?

Here is my current resolution. Find new little ways to make each day count, be the person that you would love your partner to be. After all, love should be devoid of pride. Ask for the things you would like instead of expecting them to know these things. Give gifts, definitely give your partner a reason to see that you are different from the rest, a reason to look forward to you, a reason to seek you out. These could make it easier for that love to be expressed to you.

And if in spite of all these, you still feel that irritating distance or  that intuitive voice tells you there is a disconnect, do a deep self analysis to determine if you are being fair to the other person. Are you being demanding, suspicious or angry all the time? Work on your findings.

Finally, remember that love is all about acceptance. Accept your partner and remember that sometimes, its our fantasy of how things should be that mess us up the most.

I am definitely trying to work on my resolutions, I’m not there yet. Kindly suggest any new tricks y’all have.

Laters

Jay

THE OTHER WOMAN

A friend of mine is caught in the middle of the two most important ladies in his life. His mother and his wife. Or shall I say his wife and his mother? Me sef no know who to put first.

Anyway, there has been this long standing rift between the old lady and wifey, to top it up, they share the same birthday and bobo husband has to update his blackberry profile. Here is what he did:

'Happy Birthday to the most wonderful woman in my life, Mummy i love you.... and to my wifey, happy birthday darling'

I have been stylishly checking his update over and over to see if there is a change but mbanu nothing. I'm sure the dude has probably forgotten to update sef. Personally, I think his ass is in trouble for putting  his Mummy first on that dp but hey, you never know.

What happens in cases like this when the other woman isn't some sexy little side chic but the very woman who birthed the gorgeous man you adore so much?

So, tell me ladies, when does a man cross the line with  his 'mommy dearest' issues? Has he crossed the line here by putting his mommy first? 

And dear men, are women sometimes too finicky about this mother in law issue? After all, she is your mum and you cannot afford to treat her badly just because of another woman.

Lets know your thoughts, how will you handle this situation? If you were the wife, how would you feel?

PS. Oh did i remember to add that Mommy's picture has been the dp all day?

BE LIKE THE WILLOW TREE 18+

Le hubby thinks I'm an internet junkie... Sometimes, I think so too. So, I'm browsing and somehow opened an article titled '10 Best Sex Position for Women for Maximum Pleasure'. Hey I said I 'stumbled' on the page. It just magically appeared on my screen. ( that's my story and I'm sticking to it).

So, thinking I'm going to learn one or two new moves in the sack, I proceed to read and mid way, around number five or so....I stop, try to do the move ( hubby is away so I am free to be foolish), and think to myself ...who writes these things? who does these things? Am I missing a trick here? Am I the only woman in the world whose bones aren't made of rubber?

I shall proceed to share some positions. Please be warned that you have to be a willow to remain in some of these positions beyond four minutes without loss of blood circulation:

The Crossed Keys: In the Crossed Keys position, she can lie with her behind near  the edge of the bed, legs straight up and crossed. He can stand in front of her and use his hands to cross and uncross her legs. - this crossing and uncrossing is during the act? Seriously? 

The Hero: To be in this position, the woman must lie on her back pulling her knees up to her chest, feet extending up towards the ceiling. The man should kneel down thighs under her behind. - knees to the chest, as well as feet pointing up, then thighs under her behind? I just don't know...sounds like a bumpy ride.. Maybe my powers of comprehension fail me tonight. Although to be honest, I think I've been errr a hero more than a few times myself...

The Fan: The woman stands with her back to her partner in this position. She bends her knees and rests them on the edge of a chair or stool and crosses her arms on the back of the chair or on the stool to support her. This one is for those who like to take complete control or enjoy anal sex. - this one here sounds okay.. The crossing of the arms though.. How r we jigging and I'm crossing my arms? Is it me? It must be me. Women all over world are at it with neatly folded arms.

The Countertop:  It's when the woman is laying on her back on the counter or table while he enters standing. It's rough. There's pushing aside of papers, pepper shakers which add to the sense of urgency and inappropriateness. It's easy to maneuver and move the woman to slide along the counter. There is still contact. He goes deep and feels in control. It works all the way around. The keys are clothing, stuff in the way, and being in an open space. Still allows for connection while feeling dirty. It just works on so many levels. It's not about acrobats. It's about context. - Seriously? What countertop? What papers? What context? With a house full of people? 


The Willow Tree is known for its flexibility. It's often described as one of the most flexible trees in nature. No elements nor winds can break it. Therein lies the key to its longevity, it's flexibility.  How flexible are we to life's changes or challenges? How willing are we to try new experiences? Flexibility is a major health and success factor. Limited stress and  openness to new possibilities.

So, be it between the sheets, in the board room or the work hallways, practice flexibility and see where it leads. It might not be all that bad...Be flexible enough to try it. Give it a go!

Later
Jay.

Life is an Echo

It has been seven long years since I put up a post on this page! Wow! How time flies. I'm thankful, I'm here, alive, doing quite well. A wonderful husband and two beautiful children later, I would like to think I've matured a bit. Let's find out together..

A couple of weeks back, a friend complained to me that she seems to have lost all her friends. Even the faithful ones like me (nah, that hasn't changed, I still have no modesty) were no longer keeping in touch. So I asked if she had really put in any effort to remedy the situation. Has she reached out to them? Find out about their personal circumstances?

We usually tend to assume that friendship / familial relationships come easy but they don't. It requires work, energy and most importantly genuine commitment. One has to learn not to take those relationships for granted. Sometimes, you have to be a listening ear even though you really don't want to hear, carry a burden though your shoulders are already heavy with yours, be a source of faith or comfort though you have doubts. The most important thing is to be there.... Be there actively and genuinely.

You can be rest assured that in the amazing way this universe has been ordered, that day will come when you will also need these favors returned. Probably not in the same measure or form nor from the same people but the day will come.

This poem sums it up for me

Life is an echo
what you send out
comes back
what you sow
you reap
what you give
you get
what you see in others
exists in you
remember life is an echo
it will always come back to you
so give goodness

life is an echo
what you give out
will come back
so show care
and do whats right
treat others the way
you want to be treated
beacuse it will come back ot you
for life is an echo  - Matthew Linback

Later
Jay

P.S: I also need to work on so many of my relationships.. But a step at a time.

I.T.K


During a visit to an asylum a visitor asks the Director
"What is the criteria which defines a patient to be institutionalised?"
"Well" said the Director in his gruff voice, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him/her to empty the bathtub"

O.k here is your test

1. Would you use the teaspoon?
2. Would you use the teacup?
3. Would you use the bucket?

"Oh, I understand" said the visitor, smiling. "A normal person would use the bucket because its bigger than the spoon and the teacup."
"No" said the Director, " a normal person would pull the plug at the bottom of the bathtub" Then with a smirk, he asks the visitor "Do you want a room with or without a view?"

When i read this joke, i laughed till i almost dropped. Yup, I did. And for those of you who didn't laugh, don't worry u'd understand by next Monday! Hehehe!

However, the whole thing drove a point home to me:
We are always sure of things we don't have the faintest ideas of. And i wonder why? Could it be because we live in a world that make us feel like under-achievers if we cannot give an answer to every question or a witty comment to every remark? Is that why we sometimes go out of our way to seem 300 percent knowledgeable about things we do not know?

LOOKING GOOD


Sometimes, it really amazes me when i realise that the biggest problem on my mind is what attire to don for an accassion. And believe me when i say you don't want to be anywhere near me when that problem arises. Did i hear you say fashion freak? Nah! I'm far from that i only love to look good... And believe me when i say that for me,it is serious business. Some people regard this as the height of shallow mindedness. Well, i think not. We all deserve the right to look and feel good about ourselves. This encompasses both the external and internal factor.
However, the real questions is that how do we know that truly, what we feel about ourselves really stems from within us? There are many external factors that could get us to feel unhappy about the way we look. For instance, i am a slim person. The use of the word slim is quite debatable because some individuals would describe me as 'thin'. the truth is that i really do not worry because i like myself the way i am... well, almost. What would i like to change? My bust size. I would like a bigger pair. Why? I honestly think they make clothes hang better. Plus, African males tend to like a handful.
I have however questioned myself if my need for a bigger pair stems from within or from the fact that i have come across a couple of guys who have told me this? There is no way to answer the question truthfully because i do not know. It is this effect that words and suggestions have on our subconscious mind. We tend to play such conversations over and over till they become our opinion and focal point. It is after this that we find out that we live our lives based on other people's standards.
Does this mean that i'm against any form of enhancement? Nope. I'm in full support once it is carried out for the right reasons.For instance, i'm an unmarried female (Everyone should know that by now!) who would probably still go through more than my fair share of guys. So, if i come across Peter, who loves big breasts, i think to myself, lets undergo a surgical procedure to make him happy and the relationship ends. Would i, when i meet Paul, who by the way prefers a smaller pair, undergo another procedure? Can i truly go back and forth like a yoyo to suit certain tastes and opinions?
Does this imply that i am against body enhancements? Nope. I'm in full suppport of it when it is undertaken with the right motif. Is it because you have alway hated that mole, cleft in your chin, flat chest? Or is it because your latest beau has implied that he loves a tight, flat stomach, slim thighs and a firm chin? For whatever reason, it is most important to be true to yourself. if you want to dress up, do it because you would not want to be caught any other way and if you want to dress down, enjoy it and live for the moment. Truth be told, we cant always look like we stepped out of a fashion magazine 24/7. (Even though i try!)
We cannot always be what others want us to be. Most men want women who are great chefs in the kitchen, excellent hostesses at parties, tigresses in bed, nurses when they are ill and a kind, loving and considerate wife and mother to their kids. The switch from role to role would kill any average human being. However, few survive. At what expense? Not much. Its just that sometimes, they lose the essence of who they truly are within all the role play.
Live for the moment, enjoy the laughter and the happiness you alone can create within. Live for you. Be eveything you want to be - and enjoy it!


Later
Jay

P.S. Hope this one made sense!

Its a public holiday and I've been home all day. I can proudly say that i have spent the whole day in front of the television, watching films and drifting in and out of sleep. The amazing thing crossed my mind today though. I thought to myself that i've actually matured. What i mean is that if this was some three or four years back, i would feel that i have wasted the whole day doing nothing. Amazingly though, i feel very fulfilled and relaxed.
What this brought to mind was how much we actually change over time and with certain experiences. I began to think about the many laws and rules that i used to live my life by and how gradually, they have become things that i would do without batting an eyelash. A ready example is all the guiding laws and priciples regarding my relationship with the opposite sex. I can attribute some of my very wierd decisions to the 'sex' talk with my mother. She practically made me believ that if you have one of the male species (apart from my brothers) as a friend, you automatically get preggers! Talk less of holding hands or sharing kisses! I wonder hwy they found it so difficult to elaborate these issues and put it in proper perspective. What this did to me however was that i swore off the opposite sex for such an eternity. I did not want to be the one who gets pregnant and pitied...whatever that means
We actually make certain laws about ourselves that do not always stem from us but from some half baked truths and misguided opinons of others. I think we should revel in life - we would actually live only once.
The amazing truth is that sometimes, these self placed restritions could hamper with our decision making processes. You begin to wonder if its actually your bias getting to you or if you are making a purely objective decision. For instance, i have always sworn off guys who had anything to do with any friend of mine. This decision was made for a couple of reasons: firstly, i could spoil the relationship between you and your friend, and secondly, why did he like her first and not me? Yup, you guessed right - a bruised ego and personality. The truth is that i feel like a beauty queen most times and i really cannot understand why some guy would pass over my charming personality, beauty, allure and 200% sex appeal for any other person! ( i have learnt to be my own cheerleader! try it too - it feels wonderful)
Truth be told, i realise that when issues like this crop up, a lady needs to be very rational. Be very sure that the sister/friend involve is totally over the guy involved - Make sure she's not faking that its alright. She should truly mean it. Also, make sure that no hanky pankies are involved. Let her know the true picture of you feelings for the guy and his feelings for you. Be sure not to discuss comparisms he made about the both of you - try to be as diplomatic as possible too - diplomacy has always won the day.With this, you must ensure that within yourself, this is not some sort of competition. Its not worth it swaying the boat of your friendship if you are not sure of the man involved. Re-evaluate your feeling for the guy and be sure that they are true. With this, you might be able to make a perfectly rational, unbiased and objective decision.
So, whatever reasons for our laws and guiding principles, we must be sure that they are ubiased and we are better, happier and ultimately satisfied people for it!



Live your lives in a way that would free your souls.

Later
Jay